God is Gentle

Since I don’t watch TV very often, I don’t see many commercials. However, there is a Tide commercial I saw recently. It opens with a little girl wearing a Sherlock Holmes hat and looking through a magnifying glass. The parents notice that the little girl has rashes on her skin. The family sets out to solve the mystery of what is causing the rashes. The culprit is not the family hound dog. It’s not anything in the outdoors. It’s their detergent! The family switches to Tide Free and Gentle which doesn’t leave behind irritating residues, and it is devoid of dyes and perfume, so it is gentle on the little girl’s skin. Mystery solved.

No, I’m not trying to sell you Tide, but I do want to get you thinking, not about a gentle detergent, but what it means for God to be gentle. This isn’t a common way we think of God. In fact, it isn’t in any of the five books I have on the attributes of God. I did find among the Puritans several teachings on God’s gentleness. So, why are we studying God’s gentleness today if it isn’t an attribute included in most books about God’s attributes? We will look at two reasons. 1) It is how Jesus describes Himself. 2) Our lives should reflect God’s gentleness.

First, it is how Jesus describes Himself: “²⁸Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

This is the only place where Jesus shares His heart with us. We can observe Jesus’ heart in Scripture, and we will look at some examples, but in Matthew, He directly tells us His heart; what is at the center of Him: “I am gentle and lowly in heart.”

Before we look at Jesus’ revelation of His heart, let’s back up a verse. Jesus invites a group of people to come to Him – all who labor and are heavy laden. When Jesus beckons those who labor to come to Him, He’s addressing their need not the work. “All who labor” is speaking to those who are weary and exhausted. He further invites those who are heavy laden. This is an unspecified burden. Leon Morris sums up the first part of verse 28: “Jesus is calling anyone who is wearied with life’s burdens.”^[1]

Verse 28 can be further understood as referring to the burden of the law and the additional demands the scribes and Pharisees added. It is a lifestyle of works-righteousness, which is a burdensome yoke, a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1). To these who labor and are heavy laden, Jesus says, “Come to me.” Leave behind your own strivings and your yoke of slavery and come to me.

Next, Jesus assures those who are weary and burdened that He will give them rest. Note the word give. This rest isn’t something we can earn or merit. It is undeserved and thus, a gift of grace from Jesus. We come with empty hands of faith and receive at once the rest found only in and from Jesus. We receive rest because Jesus fulfilled the law perfectly, and then suffered and died in our place, for our sin. We cease striving for our own righteousness because Jesus’ righteousness has been given to us.

Jesus then invites us to take His yoke and learn from Him. This is vastly different from the yoke of slavery. Jesus’ yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Jesus invites us to follow, serve with, and learn from Him for He is gentle and lowly in heart.

Much more could be said about this passage, but we are going to zero back in on Jesus’ description of Himself, and see afresh Jesus’ heart in calling those who are weary and heavy laden to come to Him.

The Greek word for gentle in Matthew 11:29 is also translated as meek (Matthew 5:5) and humble (Matthew 21:5). You may have heard meekness defined as “power under control”. Again, if we back up a few verses we read that Jesus declared: “All things have been handed over to me by my Father” (vs 27a). Contained in this declaration is Jesus’ sovereignty, authority, and power. This same Jesus is gentle and lowly in heart. Jesus’ gentleness is a tender strength. He is not harsh nor a hard taskmaster.

Gabriel Fluhrer with Ligonier Ministries pictures gentle as the contrast between a soft heart and a hard heart.^[2] Dane Ortlund devotes an entire book to Jesus being gentle and lowly in heart. In it, he describes Jesus’ gentleness as: “Meek. Humble. Gentle. Jesus is not trigger-happy. Not harsh, reactionary, easily exasperated. He is the most understanding person in the universe. The posture most natural to him is not a pointed finger but open arms.”^[3]

Thomas Goodwin, a Puritan pastor, commented on Matthew 11:29: “Men are apt to have contrary conceits of Christ, but he tells them his disposition there, by preventing such hard thoughts of him, to allure them unto him the more. We are apt to think that he, being so holy, is therefore of a severe and sour disposition against sinners, and not able to bear them. ‘No,’ says he; ‘I am meek; gentleness is my nature and temper.”^[4]

Interrelated with Jesus’ gentleness is His lowliness, meaning He is humble (Philippians 2:6-8), accessible, and approachable. Let’s turn to Hebrews 4:15-16: “¹⁵For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. ¹⁶Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

Jesus who created and sustains all things, who is our high priest, is able to sympathize with us because, when He took on flesh, He was tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sin. More than any person who has ever lived or will live, Jesus apprehends the depths of sin’s sinfulness. The Righteous One bore our sin – all of it – on the cross, but this didn’t cause Him to scorn us or cast us away. He sympathizes with us, and as our high priest bids us to come with confidence to the throne of grace, to receive mercy and grace in our time of need. This is Jesus’ gentle and lowly heart.

Thomas Goodwin explains: “The greater the misery is, the more is the pity when the party is beloved. Now of all miseries, sin is the greatest; and while you look at it as such, Christ will look upon it as such also. And he, loving your persons, and hating only the sin, his hatred shall all fall, and that only upon the sin, to free you of it by its ruin and destruction, but his affections shall be the more drawn out to you; and this as much when you lie under sin as under any other affliction. Therefore fear not.”^[5]

In Hebrews 5, the author of Hebrews writes that earthly high priests were appointed on behalf of men in relation to God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sin (vs 1). He continues in verse 2: “He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he himself is beset with weakness.”

Gentleness was to be a distinguishing mark of a high priest. Throughout the book of Hebrews, Jesus is proclaimed as the perfect and last high priest. From this, we can infer that Jesus perfectly deals gently with the ignorant and wayward. In fact, this is the only way that Jesus deals with sinners who come to Him.^[6]

Expounding on Hebrews 5:2, John Owen, a Puritan pastor, wrote that the high priest can “no more cast off poor sinners for their ignorance and wanderings than a nursing father should cast away a sucking child for its crying… Thus ought it to be with a high priest, and thus is it with Jesus Christ. He is able, with all meekness and gentleness, with patience and moderation, to bear with the infirmities, sins, and provocations of his people, even as a nurse or a nursing father bears with the weakness… of a poor infant.”^[7]

Jesus’ responds to sinners who come to Him with a gentleness intent on restoring, not casting off.

It is worth noting that Moses who mediated for the Israelites before God was also called gentle or meek: “Now the man Moses was very meek, more than all people who were on the face of the earth” (Numbers 12:3). One writer for Ligonier Ministries posed the thought that “gentleness equipped both men for their respective roles.”^[8]

Isaiah illustrates Jesus’ heart of gentleness in the first of four “Servant Songs”: “A bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench” (Isaiah 42:3a). “Bruised reed” is a metaphor for the poor and needy. “Burning wick” symbolizes those whose faith and hope is waning. Ancient kings gloried in breaking such people, but Jesus, gentle and lowly in heart, comes to heal and restore those who are broken. Can you picture gently picking up a broken reed so as to keep it from more damage? Have you gently surrounded a flickering flame with the cup of your hand that it might burn steadfast and brighter again? So too, Jesus gently cares for and restores the poor, needy, broken, and faint-hearted.

One of my nieces recently completed a veterinary technician certification. She loves animals especially her cat. My brother-in-law works on the oil pipelines, so the family moved every two to four months. They would stay in RV parks near the job sites. At one RV park, my niece found an abandoned kitten near death. She tenderly, gently cared for him, bottle fed him, kept him warm, and loved him. The kitten survived and earned the name Lazarus or Lazzy for short. Lazzy is not a very nice cat to most people, but with my niece, he seeks out snuggles and attention. My niece had been gentle with him when he was weak and poor, with little chance of surviving. Lazzy remembers and responds.

Richard Sibbes, another Puritan preacher, in his book The Bruised Reed, called his readers to consider the names Jesus “borrowed from the mildest creatures, such as lamb and hen, to show his tender care. Consider his very name Jesus, a Saviour, given him by God himself. Consider his office answerable to his name, which is that he should ‘bind up the broken-hearted’ (Isa. 61:1). At his baptism the Holy Ghost rested on him in the shape of a dove, to show that he should be a dove-like gentle Mediator.”^[9]

We’ve talked about Jesus being gentle in heart, but we should not think it is only the second Person of the Trinity who is gentle. Jesus is the image of God (Colossians 1:15). If we have seen Jesus, we have seen the Father (John 14:9). God the Father is gentle. After God delivered David from all his enemies and the hand of Saul, David penned Psalm 18. “You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand has supported me, and your gentleness has made me great” (Psalm 18:35). God’s gentleness transformed David.

In responding to this verse, Sinclair Ferguson stated: “When you think about it, it was God’s gentleness with David that must have enabled David, in turn, to be gentle with Saul. You remember that Saul was within his grasp at the cave of Engedi in 1 Samuel 24. David could have tightened his grip and killed him, but he used soft hands. God had used soft hands to protect him, and David used soft hands to protect Saul. In fact, his hands became so soft that he felt ashamed he’d even cut off the corner of Saul’s robe and probably made Saul look a fool in the eyes of his men.”^[10]

Let’s turn to demonstrations of God the Father’s and Jesus’ gentleness. In our journey through “God is…” truths, we have referenced Exodus 34:6-7 a few times because in this encounter, God reveals Himself to Moses using several of His attributes. “⁶The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, ‘The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, ⁷keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression of sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and fourth generation.’”

Read through the verses again and count how many ways God’s forbearing, compassionate attributes precede God’s justice? I count seven. This is God’s gentle dealing with Moses and the Israelites.

Hear John Owen’s response: “When [God] solemnly declared his nature by his name to the full, that we might know and fear him, he does it by an enumeration of those properties which may convince us of his compassionateness and forbearance, and not till the close of all makes any mention of his severity, as that which he will not exercise towards any but such as by whom his compassion is despised.”^[11] God was gentle in the way He revealed Himself to Moses.

In describing the greatness of God, Isaiah wrote: “He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.” God is a shepherd who gently tends, leads, and even carries the lambs in His flock instead of driving them.

Do you remember the account of Elijah and the prophets of Baal? In a magnificent, miraculous display God caused fire to fall and consume the burnt offering, including all the water, that Elijah had built. Elijah slaughtered all the prophets of Baal. He witnesses God bringing rain after a drought. But then, Elijah is seized by fear of Jezebel and flees for his life.

It’s not the reaction we would expect of Elijah after all the miraculous works God had done. Elijah goes a day’s journey into the wilderness, sits down under a tree, and asks God to take his life. Elijah is like the bruised reed and the faintly burning wick. I know what my natural response to Elijah in that moment would have been. Thankfully, God responds differently than I would have. Elijah falls asleep. God sends an angel to touch him, and provided food and water for him. Elijah slept again, and again the angel touched him, commanding him to eat “for the journey is too great for you” (1 Kings 19:8). Elijah was sustained for forty days and nights from God’s gentle provision.

That isn’t the end of the account, though. When Elijah reaches Mount Horeb, he lays out his complaint to God – how he has been faithful, but now he is the only prophet left, and Jezebel seeks his life. God doesn’t thunder at Elijah. He doesn’t come in the wind, earthquake or fire. God speaks to Elijah in the sound of a low whisper. God was gentle with Elijah, the bruised reed and faintly burning wick.

God’s love for Israel is depicted in Hosea: “³Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms, but they did not know that I healed them. ⁴I led them with cords of kindness, with bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them” (Hosea 11:3-4). Even in Israel’s rebellion, God is tenderly, gently caring for them as a Father.

We can also observe Jesus’ gentle nature in how He interacts with others. Consider a few examples. John records the scribes and Pharisees bringing a woman caught in adultery to Jesus. Seeking to test Jesus, they asked Him what He had to say in response to the woman. Jesus replied: “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). Everyone leaves except the woman and Jesus. He speaks to her: “’Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ ¹¹She said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more’” (John 8:10-11). Jesus gently restored the woman even while He exhorted her to sin no more.

It even seems like He was gentle with the woman’s accusers. He stood firm in confronting them, but He didn’t react harshly. He didn’t name their sins, which He could have done. He asked a heart-piercing question.

After Peter denied Jesus three times, Jesus didn’t harshly rebuke Peter. He gently asked Peter questions, restoring and bringing him back into the work Jesus had for him (John 21:15-17). Jesus was gentle in washing the disciples feet (John 13:1-17). Jesus was gentle with Thomas after Thomas doubted others’ testimonies that Jesus had risen from the dead (John 20:24-29). Similar to His interaction with Peter, Jesus was not harsh with Thomas. Instead, He offered for Thomas to touch His hands and side.

Touch is another way that Jesus exhibited His gentleness even when it meant He would be ceremonially unclean. He touched the blind, deaf, and mute. He touched Peter’s mother-in-law to cure her fever. He touched Jairus’ dead daughter to raise her to life. Jesus touched a man with leprosy to cleanse him. Jesus took children in His arms to bless them.

If we are in Christ, then we are called to be gentle as He is gentle.

“¹I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, ²with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, ³eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:1-3).

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness [gentleness], and patience” (Colossians 3:12).

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness” (Galatians 6:1a).

“²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).

Charles Spurgeon, an English preacher, has a lengthy but helpfully elaborates on how we are to reflect Jesus’ gentle nature which we studied in Matthew 11:29: “I think that refers to the yoke-bearing, the active labor. If I actively labor for Christ I can only find rest in the labor by possessing the meek spirit of my Lord; for if I go forth to labor for Christ without a meek spirit, I shall very soon find that there is no rest in it, for the yoke will gall my shoulder. Somebody will begin objecting that I do not perform my work according to his liking. If I am not meek I shall find my proud spirit rising at once, and shall be for defending myself; I shall be irritated, or I shall be discouraged and inclined to do no more, because I am not appreciated as I should be. A meek spirit is not apt to be angry, and does not soon take offence, therefore if others find fault, the meek spirit goes working on, and is not offended; it will not hear the sharp word, nor reply to the severe criticism. If the meek spirit be grieved by some cutting censure and suffers for a moment, it is always ready to forgive and blot out the past, and go on again. The meek spirit in working only seeks to do good to others; it denies itself; it never expected to be well treated; it did not aim at being honored; it never sought itself, but purposed only to do good to others. The meek spirit bowed its shoulder to the yoke, and expected to have to continue bowing in order to keep the yoke in the right place for labor. It did not look to be exalted by yoke-bearing; it is fully contented if it can exalt Christ and do good to his chosen ones.”^[12]

That is a lot to take in, but we need to tackle one more specific area of gentleness. In 1 Peter 3, following his instructions for submitting to authority in light of Jesus bearing our sins, Peter instructs wives: “¹Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ²when they see your respectful and pure conduct. ³Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you  wear – ⁴but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (vs 1-4, emphasis added).

Recently, I had a conversation with a wife of less than two years. She told me the honeymoon was over, and they were beginning to argue more. I challenged her that ultimately it is a matter of whether or not she trusts God with her marriage, her husband, and her opinions, thoughts, and feelings. Certainly she can share those things with her husband in a respectful way, but if wives are obeying 1 Peter 3:4, they will not assert their opinions, thoughts, or feelings. They will trust God. This is just one aspect of a gentle and quiet spirit.

Jay Adam’s sheds further insight: “Nagging, shouting, trouble-making and the like are excluded… Anything that causes unnecessary trouble is to be avoided. She is to be gentle in her words and actions and she must attempt to lead a quiet life that causes the least amount of stir in the home.”^[13]

We should also take into account what we learned of how God the Father and Jesus showed gentleness. When someone sins, we should be approachable and accessible. We should meet them with gentleness and a soft hand not harshness and a hard hand. Gentleness looks to restore not cast away.

Gentleness impacts our words. “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4). Gentle words will heal, build up, and encourage, not wound and tear down. Even in frustration and correction, gentleness is not harsh but is marked with patience, love, and grace.

Gentleness governs our actions and touch. We can forcefully or gently place a pan on the stove. We can yank a child’s arm and drag them or gently take their hand and lead them. (I understand there are many times when firmness is needed, but is your heart behind the firmness one of gentleness or anger?) Wives can lovingly, tenderly touch their husband’s face or maybe use a gentle touch on his arm to calm a situation. We can give a gentle hug to someone.

Gentleness discerns who is a bruised reed and a fainting wick. A gentle response doesn’t magnify a husband’s, child’s, or another person’s weakness. Gentleness will respond with the grace and tenderness that God has shown us.

Gentleness is a willingness and humbleness to serve. Gentleness won’t complain or be resentful while serving.

In Philippians 4:5, Paul exhorted the church in Philippi: “Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.” Gentleness is strength to not insist on your own way or ideas. In stress and conflict, gentleness can soothe the situation. If you are ruled by gentleness, you won’t be ruled by anger or worry.

Tying in with Jay Adam’s mention of not stirring up the home. A gentle and quiet spirit aids in making the home or the church a place of rest. It’s not rest in the same way Jesus gives us rest, but a restful and peaceful atmosphere is the natural result of a wife not stirring things up or asserting her opinion. It is the result of restoring not casting off, and words that heal, build up, and encourage.

Gentleness is revealed most clearly in Jesus, who is “gentle and lowly in heart”. At heart level, Jesus had a tender, compassionate strength that welcomed the weary, restored sinners, and met human weakness with mercy rather than harshness.

As recipients of God’s gentleness, believers are called to reflect that same gentleness in their words, actions, and relationships at home, church, or wherever they are.

Reflection Questions

1.    How do your responses to your husband, children, or other primary relationships reflect God’s gentleness? How do they show harshness?

2.    Where is God inviting you to replace harshness, defensiveness, or control with gentleness and humility?

3.    Do you trust God enough to be still rather than asserting your opinions, thoughts, and feelings? What keeps you from trusting God in this?

4.    Would others (your husband, your children, or another primary relationship) say you are approachable when they are weary and heavy laden, a bruised reed, or a fainting wick? Why or why not?

5.    What is something about God’s gentleness that amazes you?

For Further Study

1.    How do your words wound and tear down instead of bringing healing, building up, and encouraging? Think about your tone and volume as well as your actual words. What is a specific way you can speak gently to your husband, children, or another primary person in your life?

2.    What desires or expectations most influence your responses in the home? How does that affect speaking and acting with gentleness?

3.    Where are you trying to control an outcome instead of trusting God? If we are trying to control an outcome, it may be connected to a wife not submitting to her husband, a child not submitting to a parent, a church member not submitting to the church leaders, or an employee not submitting to a boss.

4.    Ask God to help you search your heart for the root sin you are clinging to instead of choosing obedience to God’s command to be gentle.

5.    Suggested prayer: “Lord, form in me the gentle and lowly heart of Christ. Teach me to respond with the qualities of gentleness. Let my home and life be shaped by Your gentleness towards me. In Jesus name and for His glory, amen.”

^[1] Morris, Leon. The Gospel according to Matthew, The Pillar New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI; Leicester, England: W.B. Eerdmans; Inter-Varsity Press, 1992), 295.

^[2] A Gentle King.” Learn.Ligonier, Ligonier Ministries, 12 October 2019, https://learn.ligonier.org/devotionals/Gentle-King. Accessed 24 March 2026.

^[3] Ortlund, Dane. Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2020), 19.

^[4] Goodwin, Thomas. The Heart of Christ (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth, 2011), 63.

^[5] Ibid, 155-156.

^[6] The Greek verb  for “deal gently” is used only here in the New Testament, but the underlying root word is the same root word as sympathize in Hebrews 4:15 (patheō).

^[7] Owen, John. An Exposition of the Epistle to the Hebrews, in The Works of John Owen, vol. 21, ed. W.H. Goold (repr., Edinburgh: Banner of Truth, 1968), 455-456.

^[8] “Gentleness and Self-Control” Learn.Ligonier, Ligonier Ministries, 25 May 2012, https://learn.ligonier.org/devotionals/gentleness-and-self-control. Accessed 25 March 2026.

^[9] Sibbes, Richard. The Bruised Reed, Carlisle, PA: The Banner of Truth, 2024), 8.

^[10] Ferguson, Sinclair. Learn.Ligonier, Ligonier Ministries, 26 February 2026, https://learn.ligonier.org/podcasts/things-unseen-with-sinclair-ferguson/soft-handed-gentleness. Accessed 25 March 2026.

^[11] Owen, John. An Exposition of the Epistle to the Hebrews, in The Works of John Owen, vol. 25, ed. W.H. Goold (repr., Edinburgh: Banner of Truth, 1965), 483.

^[12] Spurgeon, Charles. Spurgeon.org, The Spurgeon Center, 8 January 1871, https://www.spurgeon.org/resource-library/sermons/rest-rest/#flipbook/. Accessed 24 March 2026.

^[13] Adams, Jay. The Christian Counselor’s Commentary: Hebrews, James, 1 & 2 Peter, Jude (Memphis, TN: Institute of Nouthetic Studies, 2023), 264.