Grief

We tend to think of grief solely in relation to death, but there are many reasons we grieve – death of a loved one, seeing a loved one decline in health or mental capacity, loss of our own health, relationships, jobs, trust, safety, approval from others or ministries, missed opportunities or time with others, life changes, injustices and abuse against us or someone we love. This past week alone I heard from three friends that lost a family member or friend, and another who was unable to attend a memorial service for a family member. A few weeks ago, in my blog “The Brokenhearted,” I shared about several abuse cases connected to people close to me. Grief has been on my heart.

“Jesus wept” (John 11:35). The shortest verse in the Bible, but for me it brings comfort in all types of grief. Jesus’ dear friend Lazarus was ill. Jesus waited a few days after he got the news from Lazarus’ sisters before he traveled to Bethany to see them. Jesus could’ve left right away. He could’ve healed Lazarus. He knew Lazarus would die. He also knew He would raise Lazarus from the dead, and yet, we read that “Jesus wept” when He saw Mary and others who were there weeping at the loss of Lazarus.

He loved Lazarus. He loved Lazarus’ sisters Mary and Martha. He knew their grief at their brother’s death and confusion over why He had waited to come. He felt the consequences of the fall in the death of His friend. He wept. He grieved. Jesus understands our grief. Isaiah 53:3 tells us, “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” Jesus had friends betray Him, enemies who sought His life, people despised Him, His own people Israel ended up rejecting Him, during His ministry He didn’t have a permanent home (Matthew 8:20), all around Him He saw lost, hurting sheep, He was beaten, abused, mocked and hung on a cross, and ultimately even His Father turned His back on Him when He bore our sins on the cross.

This same Jesus who wept when His friend died is now seated at the right hand of the Father. He intercedes for us making a way for us to come before the throne of grace to receive mercy and grace to help in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16). He gave us the Holy Spirit who is called the Comforter to indwell us. We also have the promise that the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, comforts us in all our affliction (Hebrews 1:3-4). We have a triune God that sees our grief and loves, cares for and comforts us. God further guarantees, by His Spirit, that we have an eternity with Him awaiting us where He will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away (Revelation 21:4). There is comfort in our grief. There is hope in our grief.

Maybe this is not a time of grief for you, but I’m guessing it is for someone you know. You might feel a little lost as to how to comfort them, what to say or what to do. Bringing them before the throne of grace is the best thing you can do (although not the only thing). Below are prayers taken from my Journey Through Prayer that are specific ways you can pray for someone who is grieving. The complete prayers along with ways to pray for other struggles people experience can be found on my website under Free Resources. https://tarabarndt.wixsite.com/journeythrough/resources

Father, people grieve in so many different ways. Although I want to help (name), I don’t know what to say. Fill me with Your compassion, love, understanding and perseverance to walk with (name) through this dark time and to be faithful to pray for him/her. Help me just to listen or to be with (name). Give me discernment to know how to serve them in this time whether it is making meals, babysitting, doing laundry or errands, mowing the lawn or whatever would help lift their load. Bring their loss to my remembrance weeks, months and years later as the loss is still present for (name).

Father, thank You for being the God of all comfort who helps us to comfort others with the comfort we have received. In ways that can only come by Your Spirit’s work in me and others, comfort (name). From our limited human perspective, comfort may seem impossible right now, but You are the God of infinite possibilities.

Initial Grief

Gracious Father, whether this death or situation was expected or unexpected, (name)’s world has still been drastically altered forever. He/she has an all new terrain to navigate compounded by the grief they are experiencing. It may feel like they, similar to the Israelites, are wandering in the desert not knowing where they will find sustenance. Thank You, Father, that You have promised to supply all our needs (Philippians 4:19), and that before the throne of grace, we find mercy and grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16). I ask that you would help (name) to hold onto to Your grace for just that next one step, that next minute or hour or day instead of being overwhelmed by the long term. You provided daily manna for the Israelites in the wilderness, sustaining them for forty years. You gave them exactly what they needed for that day. Please do that for (name).

Omniscient Father, there are many decisions to be made after a death, a spouse leaving, a health crisis or other tragedy. I ask that You would give (name) clarity to make any initial decisions he/she needs to make and be able to set less urgent decisions aside for the time being. Bring wise counselors to aid in decision making.

Father of all understanding, I pray that (name) will not fall into the trap of denial. I know there is immense pain, but I pray that he/she would be able to face the reality of their loss so that he/she can walk through it with You. There are places, people and things that will remind (name) of his/her new reality. Those things can bring fresh waves of grief. You experienced the greatest loss and separation when Jesus’ took our sin on the cross. I pray (name) will know that You understand the reality of his/her pain and loss. Both You and Jesus faced this searing separation head-on so we could be saved.

God of the resurrection, thank You for the hope of the gospel. Anchor (name) in the hope of the resurrection. The pain and loss he/she feels now, and that likely will be present with him/her for the rest of his/her life on earth will one day be gone. No more tears. No more sadness. No more emptiness. No more loss. No more death. No more grieving. Instead, there will be life eternal, joy, reunions, restoration, worship and face-to-face fellowship with You. Give (name) glimpses of resurrected life.

Redeeming Father, when tragedy happens, we often let it define us, become our identity or believe that is the only way people will see us from then on. Help (name) to see this part of his/her story in the big story of Your redemption and as only one chapter in his/her story. He/she, like all believers, is an instrument in the hand of the Redeemer. May he/she continue to trust You as the author of his/her story, even in this heart-wrenching chapter. May others see your redemption at work through (name) in this time of grieving.

Grief in the Everyday

Compassionate Father, grieving can feel very lonely. Not everyone can relate to a particular grief. Some may comfort for awhile, but then life goes on for them. Bring another who can truly understand and empathize with (name), so they know they are not alone. But more importantly, Lord, bring to remembrance that You are a Father who lost Your Son. Jesus knew the grief of losing family and friends to death, fear-of-man and betrayal. Thank You that nothing can ever separate us from Your love. You are always present with us. Flood (name)’s heart and mind with that truth.

Sovereign Father, I ask that (name) will not doubt Your good purpose at work in his/her life. May he/she remember that You are sovereign, that his/her suffering is not meaningless. The cause of his/her grief was not an accident or something that slipped in when You weren’t looking. The cross demonstrates that in the greatest suffering came the greatest gift for mankind – redemption out of the suffering. You work this in our lives as well. I pray that (name) will know that You are fully in control of his/her painful experience, and You are good.

Father, grief can breed doubt. I pray that (name) will run to You with all the pain and doubt he/she feels, but may it be only the doubt of confusion and frustration that cries out in trust to You, knowing Your character. Give (name) grace to wait on You knowing that You are faithful.

Source of Joy, although the resurrection gives us hope of eternally being with You and loved ones who have come to saving faith, I ask that (name) would not fall prey to thinking joy will not be found again until heaven. Remind him/her that through Jesus You turn sorrow into joy. Help (name) to see reasons for joy all around him/her. May he/she increasingly see Your goodness in his/her life.

God of hope, (name) may wonder, “What now?” In their grief and loss, he/she may feel as though You can’t use him/her anymore. Show him/her Your continued purpose in his/her life. He/she can still serve You, maybe even in new ways because of what he/she has experienced.