Livin' In Awe

I think as soon as I was old enough to put sentences together, I was dictating stories to my Mom. She faithfully wrote them down and let me illustrate. I still have them. When I was old enough to write on my own, I started writing my own stories, poetries, commentaries. Anything I could write, I wrote, and I kept writing into college. I have a storage tub filled with my writing. Along the way I even won some little contests for my poetry and short stories.

By college, one of my professors wanted me to pursue journalism. And then a couple things happened. First, the thought of having my writing, which felt like an extension of my very self, rejected terrified me. I had always been afraid of failure and what people would think of me then. What if I failed at writing in the real world?

Second, around that same time I had begun to make my faith my own. I realized that if I was going to write, my writing needed to glorify God. I wouldn’t say the content of my writing at that time was blatantly sinful, but it didn’t point to Jesus. I didn’t feel equipped to write about God, so I Quit!

I was twenty at the time. About the only writing I did over the next twenty-eight years was correspondence and lessons for women’s Bible studies (although that didn’t start until at least twelve years after I quit writing). One day about two and a half years ago, my husband asked me why I didn’t write a devotional since I get frustrated with so many devotionals that focus so little on Scripture. I was still afraid of my writing being rejected. I still felt inadequate to write about God. I didn’t know if I even had any ability left in me to write something others would want to read.

Maybe you’ve felt afraid, inadequate and ready to quit too. When this idea of quitting came to mind, I thought of Moses and his encounter with God in the burning bush in Exodus 3-4:17). If you aren’t familiar with it or even if you are, I encourage you to take five minutes to read it. I’m just going to bring out some of my observations as I reflected on my I Quit moment.

When I read Scripture, I first look for what I see about God. Who we are, what we are called to do and everything else flows from who God is and what He has done. First in this encounter, God came to Moses (3:2). He met Moses where Moses was at, and He called Moses to be part of the mighty work He was going to do. What a gracious God we serve! We don’t have to pursue Him begging for a job or trying to get His attention. He chooses to work through weak people like me, Moses and you.

Second, God is holy (3:5). We see this when He tells Moses that Moses is standing on holy ground. God’s holiness instills awe while simultaneously convicting us of our unworthiness apart from Christ. Holy God chose to redeem me and make me His own. I want to respond in willing, grateful obedience.

Third, God reminds Moses that He is faithful when He identifies Himself as the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (3:6, 15). I need that reminder too because I can be blind to the evidences of God’s faithfulness all around me, and then I fear the future.

Fourth, we see God’s omniscience and compassion as He sees the affliction of His people the Israelites and hears their cries. He responds to this with promised blessing (3:7-8). God knows every detail about me. He knows my failings, and yet nothing will separate me from His love. Instead of being angry with and rejecting me for my fears and inadequacies, He goes with me and equips me by His Spirit.

Fifth, God provides beyond and better than what we think we need. He was not only going to bring the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, but the Egyptians would hand over their gold, silver and jewelry. The Israelites would not leave empty (3:21-22). I am learning to live EXPECTANT (see my first blog entry) of what God will do.

There is more of who God is and what He does in this passage, but I’m going to put them side by side with Moses’ excuses to get out of his calling. I had my excuses, but God supplies with Himself. I like the places in Scripture where “But God” intervenes in whatever excuse, fear or confusion comes before it. The “But God” changes the whole game plan and puts the focus on God and not on ourselves.

Moses’ Excuse: Who am I to go? (3:11)

God’s Answer: God promises to go with Moses (3:12)

Moses’ Excuse: Who do I say sent me? (3:13)

God’s Answer: I AM WHO I AM (3:14) – This name reveals God’s self-existence. He is

defined only by Himself.

God reiterates that He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob which would resonate with

the Israelites.

God is omnipotent. He can do the miraculous (3:20).

Moses’ Excuse: They won’t listen to me (4:1).

God’s Answer: God performs miracles right then and there to convince Moses that He

will do what is needed to convince the Israelites that He sent Moses (4:2-7).

Moses’ Excuse: I can’t speak (4:10).

God’s Answer: God reminds Moses that He made His mouth. He will teach Moses what to

say 4:11-12).

Moses’ Excuse: Send someone else (4:13).

God’s Answer: God supplies Aaron Moses’ brother to speak for him (4:14-16).

Each objection Moses had, God answered with His own character and capability. This time around as I prayed about writing again, I knew that it had to be about God, who He is and what He could do not about me and my abilities.

There is a song by Hollyn that I love. “I’m livin’ in AWE. You don’t need me at all, but You couldn’t LOVE me more. I’m livin’ in AWE. Every day I fall, but You never let me go. I’m livin’ in AWE.”

God doesn’t need me and whatever writing skills I may have, but He loves me. He chooses to use a weak, sinful me so His glory can be displayed. Every day I do still fall. I sin. I still feel inadequate and fear what man will think of me, but God doesn’t let go. Instead of, “I Quit!”, I’m learning to say, “Yes, Lord, send me and let me live in awe of You.”