Sinner and Saint

What words come to mind when you think of Paul the Apostle? I tend to think Spiritual Superhero. Laser focus on God. Continually thankful. God’s servant even in suffering and ultimately death. Joyful. Crazy Bible knowledge. Paul was an incredible man of God. I want to be like Paul, but I feel light years away from being a Spiritual Superhero.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I forget that Paul was a man. He was a godly man, but he wasn’t perfect. Only Jesus was perfect. Often as I read through Paul’s letters, I zero in on all the imperatives. The commands. The things I can add to my “Good Christian check list.” Paul forgot what was lying behind and pressed on toward the goal (Philippians 3:13-14). He sang praises in prison (Acts 16:25-31). He counted everything else besides knowing Christ a loss (Philippians 3:8). He endured insane hardship and kept going. If Paul can do it, so can I.

Well, I’ll get to that, but in reality, I am not flying smoothly along the highway to heaven. I hit bumps. I crash. I burn. I sin. And then I do it all over again. It feels more like being a ping pong ball batted back and forth than being on the cover of Spiritual Heroes magazine.

For me the constant battle is in my thoughts. I have conversations in my head. Going over and over what I would say to this person or that person. How I would defend myself. What they would say back. How I would correct them with Scripture. My self-righteousness building all the while.

Then I stop. I take my thoughts captive like Paul says to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5. I confess that I am being judgmental, self-righteous, wasting time, not glorifying God, not thinking what will build up and edify, etc. And two minutes later (usually less), I’m right back in the same thought pattern.

But guess what? The Apostle Paul felt the same way. “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me" [1] (Romans 7:15-20).

Wow! Paul sometimes did the very thing he hated. He also called himself the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15). I’m not alone. You’re not alone. We aren’t disqualified from running this faith race. God was still able to use Paul in mighty ways for His glory. He can use us for His glory too. That’s encouraging!

But that’s not all. You may have noticed that often the first half of Paul’s letters are filled with indicatives – declarations of what God has done and who we are in Christ as a result of what God has done. Paul builds the reader up in these precious truths before he ever lays out the imperatives (commands). That’s because the imperatives are grounded in the indicatives. Indicatives come first, and we can’t reverse that order.

One of these indicatives is that all of our sin was placed on Jesus. He took all the punishment and all of God’s wrath in our place. Then Jesus’ perfect righteous record was imputed (given) to us if we trust in Jesus’ atoning work as the only means of salvation.

Pretty much daily I see my ping pong ball thoughts. The same sin again and again and again. I’m doing what I hate and not doing what I want to do (glorifying God). But God – those beautiful, life-altering words – sees me with Jesus’ righteous record. My ongoing struggle with sin will never separate me from the love of Christ. No one can condemn me (Romans 8:31-39).

Another indicative that encourages me when I am pinging and ponging back and forth is Romans 8:37, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Jesus was victorious over sin on the cross. Because of His victory, because Jesus is interceding before the throne for us and by the indwelling Spirit, we are conquerors. Some days it may feel like a losing battle, but we are assured that God will complete the work He has begun in us (Philippians 1:6).

Today I was reading Voices From the Past Volume 2: Puritan Devotional Readings. The July 17 devotional started with Psalm 38:4 “For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.” I know how that is how my sin feels some days. The devotional with the verse was from John Bunyan, an excerpt from his The Pilgrim’s Progress. He described the hero Christian with his heavy burden weighing him down. He presses on until he comes to the cross and the tomb. There his burden falls away.

Yes, I continue to sin to do what I don’t want and to not do what I do want, but that is not a burden I have to keep carrying, letting it weigh me down. Jesus took that burden of sin at the cross and triumphed over it in His resurrection.

Recently a friend reshared a post I had put on Facebook a year ago. It is fitting and timely. "If we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son while we were enemies [Romans 5:10] He will certainly keep us, even on the days when we really struggle. In fact, when we're really struggling and needing loads of help, He commands us to come to Him: 'Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need' (Hebrews 4:16)." Elyse Fitzpatrick, Finding the Love of Jesus from Genesis to Revelation.

On my best day, God loves and accepts me in Christ. On my worst day, God loves and accepts me in Christ. That love and acceptance is what helps me, like Paul, “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14). I’m a sinner, but thank you, Jesus, that I am also a saint in You before the Father.

[1] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Ro 7:15–20). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.